Being Judged

It's the day (well, night) before school starts, and I figured that there was no better time to blog than now. I, personally, do not want to go to school. I don't like getting up early, I don't like riding the bus, I don't like homework, I don't like cafeteria food, I HATE math (and math hates me), and I'm not too crazy about the people at my school either. I'm pretty much just a big ball of complaints when it comes to school, but I'm not the only one. There are many other people who despise school just as much as I do. For those reasons, and others. One of the very common reasons people don't like school is simply the idea of cliques, being alone, being bullied, etc. And all of those come from something that everyone does, but no one likes being the victim of: judging people.

We, as humans, want to be liked. We strive to be noticed (in a good way), and fight for the acceptance of others. Some people even go out of their way to change who they are (even if it's a facade), in order to get someone to like them. There's nothing wrong with wanting people to like you. We all do. Why? Because we're simply human, and for some reason, the acceptance of others comes before the acceptance of ourselves. I can see why, and I can't say that I don't want people to like me. Everyone does. In most people's minds (including my own), the worst thing, or one of the worst things is to have someone not like you, especially if it's someone that you specifically WANT to like you. And it's not a bad thing, because we can't help it. But not being liked can tear you down, and hurt you badly.

People say all the time, "I don't want To be judged, by anything but my personality when they begin to really know me." Basically, we don't want to be defined by our looks, or personality at first glance. Often times, the clothes that you wear, or your facial expression isn't the best reflection of who you really are as a person. Judging people at first glance is something that's often times misread, and misjudged, but it's something all humans do anyway, even if they don't want people to do it to them. It's just natural instinct to look at a person, and see what they're doing, how they look, how they present themselves, and judge them straight away, because we're human. Judging people isn't a bad thing, we all do it. And everyone does it to us, especially the first time we meet them. If someone came up to you and told you, "I looked at you, and you looked friendly and nice," you'd probably be happy with that. If they came up to you and said, "You look and mean and rude the way you're sitting like that," you'd probably be offended. We're not afraid of judgement, we just don't want bad judgement.

So where am I going with this? When people judge us as a bad person, or don't like us, it often hurts us and makes us upset. No one wants to not be liked. No one wants to be thought of as rude and mean. At school, there's judgement everywhere, and it can hurt. But at the end of the day, one person not liking you isn't going to end the world. You just have to know how to take the judgement, and throw it aside. Here's what you need to know in order to take criticism as best as you can:

Not everyone is going to like you.

It's a fact. Not everyone is going to want to be your friend. And usually, people have reasons, as stupid as they might be. Once you accept this fact, it's a lot easier to make it through life not striving for the acceptance and confirmation of others. People are going to have problems with you, and not like things that you do or say. They're going to look at you and criticize you. But not everyone is going to like you, and once you fully learn that, you can move on from that one person who doesn't like you, and you'll be happier. Don't fight for the acceptance of someone who's not willing to give it to you. Accept that they won't and move onward. Forward is the only way to go.

It is what it is. If you can't change it, it's not worth the struggle.

My Passion (Short Version)

For those of you (*cough* Rebecca *cough*) who DON'T like to read long blogs, here is the blog I just posted, without the story. The other one is INCREDIBLY long, (I feel bad for making it that long), so if you want to just read the important part, here it is:

As I start praying that night, that everything will be better tomorrow, I discover the answer I have been searching for: why I love theatre.

I finally discover why I accept weird looks from strangers as I walk through stores in my stage makeup. I understand why I'm perfectly fine to get such little sleep at night. I realize the reason that I continue to audition, even after getting tiny ensemble parts in shows. I fully know why I keep doing this, even if it means being hated by people, and even a bit bullied. I know why I put up with all the drama. I've been asking myself, why do I like theatre? Why do I want this? What is this going to do for me? I've always liked to sing and dance, but why am I doing live community theatre, instead of trying to become famous like most kids? And I finally understand why I love being "the awkward theatre kid" at school.

It's because I want to make people smile. It has nothing to do with getting my name out there, or singing for a wider audience. I don't do it for myself, or to make my family proud. I don't do it so I can say that I've done it, or to impress people on the Internet. I do it for the people that spend their money on a ticket to the show, and are going to spend two hours of their lives, watching people that they can see at HEB or Walgreens, sing and dance. They buy a ticket in the hopes that the cast has rehearsed, the crew has everything under control, and that it's entertaining. They come to the show to laugh, or cry, or sing and clap along. They come to take their mind off of whatever their life is like at the moment, and be thrown into a different story. They WANT to be emotionally touched, that's what they're paying to see. And I'm getting cast in shows, no matter how small the part, because the director believes that I can deliver what that audience wants. I tech shows so I can help it run smoothly, and give the audience a sense of it being real, even with people dressed in black moving couches and pie shops around on stage, right in front of them. I live for that. That's what brings me joy. Not the fact that I can have a standing ovation, or the crowd cheering for me. But so I can make others feel happy. So I can bring others what they want, by doing what I love to do. Every night, even if I make only one person feel happy, or forget about their bad day, I am happy. It feels so food to know that you've made a difference in someone's life, no matter how small it may be, and no matter how you may do it. That's why I love theatre with a passion. I get to be with the people that are just like me. That feel the exact same way as me, and do the exact same things, and make people smile. I get to be with the people that are more than my friends, but are my family. God put us in the right place at the right time, gave us what we needed, and said, "Go." And we did. And every day as we rehearse, and laugh, we're just getting even better at making people happy. Every show, we're making people smile. We're making a difference, even changing their lives. Watching a show changed mine, and made me want to do theatre. My life is completely different now. Now, I'm hopefully doing the same. And that's all I want to do, for the rest of my life. Change peoples lives, for the better.

My Passion (Long Version)

So I haven't blogged in a while (a long while, for me), even though I've been meaning to. I've been going through experience after experience, and while I've been trying my hardest trying to learn something, and make something of the situation, I haven't learned anything new. So, the only reason I haven't blogged is because I haven't had anything to blog about, and for those who do care about that, I am sorry. This is going to be more of a personal post to me, in regards to my feelings and emotions as opposed to what usually is just a lesson I have learned. I am actually going to share with you (whoever "you" is), something that personally means something to me deeply. This is going to be UBER LONG, just warning you. It's gonna be the longest I've ever posted. It's going to be quite a while before I get to the lesson. I'm sorry if you feel like my blogs are wordy enough already, but there's a story to go with this one.

Last night (or should I say morning-it was 4 AM) was one of the most emotional nights (mornings) I have ever had. I'm an older sister, and my little sister is 12. She's obsessed with this website called "Quotev" that she has an account on, where you post stories, quizzes, statuses, and just talk to new people around the world, much like any other social networking site. Anyway, I'm a bit apprehensive to the subject of my little sister posting things on the Internet (although I do it too-hypocritical, right?), and my parents never checking what she's on. I'm not going to question my mom and dad's parenting, but I don't think it's the right thing to not check what she's doing, considering she's only 12, and not the most responsible. So, taking initiative, I do it for them. (Note: My sister would kill me if she knew I did this.) Not to learn about my sister's personal life (however personal you can get on the Internet), but what she does, and how much she connects with strangers, and if she does communicate with them, what information she is sharing. So, I get onto her page (I don't know her password, so I wasn't logged into her account, just looking at her page) and I start reading some of the statuses, and I see some cuss words, (we're not allowed to cuss) and other things that startle me (nothing too bad), but nothing that's too bad, or upsets me too much. She's 12, of course she's going to write the things she does. But then, I come across a status about her wanting to be on Broadway, and this is where I really start to get irritated.

Why I am getting irritated is because she doesn't even LIKE musicals, or theatre for that matter. She thinks it's stupid and that I am wasting my time. Or, that's what she tells me. Because judging from all of these statuses, SHE'S a "theatre kid". That is not at all true. One of these posts particularly irritates me. It says:

If I were in Wicked, I'd want to be Gelenda (or however you spell it)
I'd want to be Julie in The Wedding Singer.
And if I were in Sound of Music, I want to be Liesel.

What PISSES ME OFF about this is that it is all 100% LIES. She has never seen Wicked or Wedding Singer. The only reason she knows about them is because they're MY favorite shows, and I talk about them all the time. You spell it "Galinda/Glinda", and the girl from Wedding Singer's name isn't even Julie! It's JULIA! And the only reason she's seen The Sound of Music is because I was in it!

I see other posts like this, with lyrics to the songs from those musicals that I'M always singing, and follow up posts with, "I like to post lyrics from my favorite musicals when I'm bored. Don't judge me." She has never even BOTHERED to listen to those songs or soundtracks! She just hears ME sing them! So, while all of this is REALLY irritating me, because she is pretty much lying, I see one particular post that sets me off, and I start bawling my eyes out (she has horrible grammar):

My sister is yelling at me just cause I like musicals. Just cause I like to sing. All the knows how to do is insult me for stuff like that so im afraid to sing or act or anything in public because she says ill never make it and im terrible. Then she goes and does it when ii give up, and just know, that she thinks im better then her. She told me when we were little litterally this: "Olivia your better then me but i dont care, youll never make it." and then i give up, she goes and tries to make it. She yells at me when i get a lead in a play or AUDITION for one or something. im not even allowd to go into theatre arts at my school cause of her. What a great sister she is -_- to make me lose my hope just so shell have HER dream ._. thanks to her, I dont do any of that kind of stuff im not even allowd to WATCH a musical or SING or ill get yelled at or slammed against a wall or shell snitch on me or something. Im SICK OF HER

That. Is. A. Lie. I have never once told her that she was more talented than me. She has never once gotten a lead in a show. She has only ONCE tried out for a show, FOUR YEARS AGO. Everything of that is a lie, except for the fact that I did yell at her for liking musicals. Here's why, although you might not understand:

When you're sisters, everything is a competition. Grades, looks, friends, everything. ESPECIALLY you're involved in the same things. So, a few years ago, my sister and I invented something called "things". These "things" either belong to me or her, and the other cannot take, or get involved in the other person's things, without permission from the other person. These "things" vary from places, stores, hobbies, items, products, clothes, websites, and more. We made a deal not to tell our parents about these "things", because they would demand we stop. For a while, these "things" worked out really well. We didn't get into HALF as many arguments as I'm sure we would have, since we were completely different. Then, she started disobeying the one thing that we had forever agreed on. When I had started playing the piano, I had called any musical instrument as my thing, and she agreed. A while later, she wanted to play the saxophone, and I had grudgingly given her permission after much yelling from her. A year later, she wants to play the clarinet too, and didn't even bother asking. She just did it. Another thing I had called was the clothing store Aeropostale. Again, with MUCH yelling (in public places, I might add) from her, I had to give in to THAT too. If I didn't, it "wasn't fair". At one point, she wanted to test (and did test, although she didn't pass) into my school, even though I had tears in my eyes at the thought of her being even relatively close to my friends. It would really stink if your biggest competition (your siblings) invaded what you loved. Here's why I'm mad about all these posts: I had called live/musical theatre as MY thing. And she has the audacity to go and pretend like she is involved in theatre, on the Internet. Even after guilting me into giving her all those other things. She goes, and takes what is mine. And it SUCKS.

So I sit there for a while, crying because of all these posts. I think that she just wanted to step in, and be in theatre because she wants applause and recognition. She thinks that she can walk in and take what I have worked so hardly for, with the snap of her fingers, because she wants it. Because it's mine. Then, I think I finally come down to the REAL reason she's posting these things.

I remember that she's speaking to strangers on this website, and immediately recall one that she spends a lot of time talking to. A girl named Fragile. Apparently, Fragile is another theatre kid, (like me), and is in love with the show, Wicked (like me). It then starts to only make sense that my sister is posting these things to keep Fragile interested in her. She's taking who I am, and pretending like it's her, for the sake of her image online. I don't know if that's really what she's doing. But it's the only real explanation to why she's saying these things, and then falling asleep at my performances and shows.

(Here's where the lesson FINALLY comes in-I congratulate, and thank you SO MUCH if you've read this far. I just felt the need to explain everything.)

It then makes SOME sense (although I am irritated with her to an extreme amount still), and as I start praying that night, that everything will be better tomorrow, I discover the answer I have been searching for: why I love theatre.

I finally discover why I accept weird looks from strangers as I walk through stores in my stage makeup. I understand why I'm perfectly fine to get such little sleep at night. I realize the reason that I continue to audition, even after getting tiny ensemble parts in shows. I fully know why I keep doing this, even if it means being hated by people, and even a bit bullied. I know why I put up with all the drama. I've been asking myself, why do I like theatre? Why do I want this? What is this going to do for me? I've always liked to sing and dance, but why am I doing live community theatre, instead of trying to become famous like most kids? And I finally understand why I love being "the awkward theatre kid" at school.

It's because I want to make people smile. It has nothing to do with getting my name out there, or singing for a wider audience. I don't do it for myself, or to make my family proud. I don't do it so I can say that I've done it, or to impress people on the Internet. I do it for the people that spend their money on a ticket to the show, and are going to spend two hours of their lives, watching people that they can see at HEB or Walgreens, sing and dance. They buy a ticket in the hopes that the cast has rehearsed, the crew has everything under control, and that it's entertaining. They come to the show to laugh, or cry, or sing and clap along. They come to take their mind off of whatever their life is like at the moment, and be thrown into a different story. They WANT to be emotionally touched, that's what they're paying to see. And I'm getting cast in shows, no matter how small the part, because the director believes that I can deliver what that audience wants. I tech shows so I can help it run smoothly, and give the audience a sense of it being real, even with people dressed in black moving couches and pie shops around on stage, right in front of them. I live for that. That's what brings me joy. Not the fact that I can have a standing ovation, or the crowd cheering for me. But so I can make others feel happy. So I can bring others what they want, by doing what I love to do. Every night, even if I make only one person feel happy, or forget about their bad day, I am happy. It feels so food to know that you've made a difference in someone's life, no matter how small it may be, and no matter how you may do it. That's why I love theatre with a passion. I get to be with the people that are just like me. That feel the exact same way as me, and do the exact same things, and make people smile. I get to be with the people that are more than my friends, but are my family. God put us in the right place at the right time, gave us what we needed, and said, "Go." And we did. And every day as we rehearse, and laugh, we're just getting even better at making people happy. Every show, we're making people smile. We're making a difference, even changing their lives. Watching a show changed mine, and made me want to do theatre. My life is completely different now. Now, I'm hopefully doing the same. And that's all I want to do, for the rest of my life. Change peoples lives, for the better.

"Fate" Continued

A while ago, I wrote a post entitled "Fate". It was probably the most emotional post I have ever written, and it still is very emotional to me as I am writing this. If this is your first time reading, or if you just can't remember much about what it said, go back and read it before continuing this post. Then, come back and read this.

The last, and half of the second to last paragraphs of that post went like this:

This time, it's not "the end, until...". It's still continuing. It's just beginning. It's been a little over a year since we first met each other at that audition (neither of us got in), and now we're both performing side by side (literally) to each other. It only took a year.

I believe that wasn't fate. Everyone was put in our lives for a reason. I can tell that this person was put into my life for a definite reason. I can already give you some that she's shown me. Everyone teaches you something. I can already tell you some things I've learned from her, and I hope she's learned something from me. God puts everyone in our lives for a certain reason, he doesn't leave things up to chance. It wasn't fate that we met. He planned it. He said, "You need someone like her in your life," and made it happen. What we chose to do with it was our decision. She's one of my best friends, and I hope she continues to be for a long time. If not, then at least I've learned what I can, while I had it. I just hope I can have it for longer.

So much has happened since I wrote that post. So many feelings have changed and experiences have occurred. I just went back and read that post, and remembered how it felt writing it. I decided: it's time to write a continuation. So, here it is:

It's now March, and things have been put into full effect. We've been working our hours for First Stage Players, I've been in a show already (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat), and are in the process of another show, Flat Stanley. She got into the show, and I didn't. But I'm teching for it, so it's alright. She's getting a lot of negative attention during this show. People are saying things behind her back, and not being the nicest to her. I'm standing by her though. Every time I walk into the cold theatre to set up for a show, she gives me a hug, or I give her a hug. Even though I'm on the crew and she's in the cast, we're still best friends. We're still talking a lot. And with everything anyone says mean about her, I'm telling her. I'm standing up for her. I'm being the friend she's always been to me, or I'm at least trying to be. As many things that have happened within this show's run, I'm there for her. She's there for me. I can't ask for a better friend.

It's now April, and although Flat Stanley's over, we're not put to rest yet. We're in the midst of rehearsals for a new show we're in together, The Sound of Music. Rehearsals are pretty fun, not much is happening. Everyone's in a pretty good mood. Then, the show starts.

It's now late-May, and we're right in the middle of the run of The Sound of Music. This is where things start to take a turn. Suddenly, everything I was during Flat Stanley is thrown out the window. Then, I was trying to be a good friend, and now, I'm being the opposite. I'm not doing it on purpose, but I am. I'm talking behind her back with another person. It's nothing really serious, but it wasn't the right thing for me to do. Eventually, it comes out, and she knows. It's four in the morning, and we're having a text argument/conversation. There's nothing I can do but apologize profusely. The next day, she texts me and says that she slept on it, and now forgives me. I'm happy with that. And things kind of go back to the way they were. Kind of. I feel as if suddenly, she doesn't like me. Like she's avoiding me. She's not talking to me anymore, only to ask for favors, and she's talking to others instead. She's excluding me, and leaving me out. I try to tell her, but she won't listen. Towards the end of the run, it kind of gets better, but not really. She doesn't even say goodbye to me when she leaves the theater after the last show. That hurts, but it's kind of okay though. We're going to New York the next day with the First Stage Players.

It's now July 11th, and we're heading to New York city. The rest of the week flys by. It was the best week of my life, but it also hurts me. She's still not talking to me. At all. She doesn't even mutter so much as a word to me some days. She's seriously excluding and ignoring me. I continue to tell her, but she doesn't listen, and thinks that I'm ignoring her. It hurts. And after New York, we're not going to see each other again for a while, since we're taking a break from theatre. Nothing is fixed. Nothing's resolved. Nothing. I do the only thing I can think of doing. And as much as it was a horrible decision, I did it. I indirect tweeted very mean things about her. I called her hypocritical, selfish, and a bad friend. I called her many things that I don't mean now. It wasn't the right thing to do, I never should've done it. But I did. And again, I apologize profusely. She won't forgive me. She kind of apologized for excluding me, and I forgave her. We all make mistakes. We're human. But she won't forgive me. I'm crying every day, and stressing out all the time. I've never been this unhappy. I try and try to convince her to have a conversation with me, to REALLY talk it out. She won't.

It's now July, and I text her today asking her a question completely un-related to all of this. Her answer makes me upset, and jealous. I respond with, "Oh. Okay. Thanks." Since she can read me like a picture book, she knows something's wrong. She responds with, "Yeah... You okay?" Things are a bit awkward between us because of the whole argument. We still haven't talked about it, and I'm still trying to get her to. I respond with, "Yeah, I guess. I'm just... Jealous? I don't know," and she doesn't respond. This gives me the sense of realization that: it's over. I made a stupid mistake because of her mistake, and it's all over. Everything that we've been through, everything that we've done. It's over. It's thrown out the window because she won't forgive me. And now... we're not best friends anymore. There's no use in trying to get her to talk to me, because she's not going to forgive me. I have no idea why. It doesn't make sense to me. But she's not. It's over. Our friendship... is over.

"Everyone was put in our lives for a reason. I can tell that this person was put into my life for a definite reason." These are words I continue to stand by, even after all this has been said and done. Maybe this ended badly. Maybe we'll never be friends again. But that year that I had her in my life, I cannot be more thankful for. I do feel like having her in my life was a blessing from God, as I said before. She's taught me so many things I wouldn't have learned if I didn't have her. She especially taught me how to be a friend. That's one of the most important lessons you can learn. It's making me cry buckets writing this. I can barely see the screen. I don't like the way that things ended, not one bit. I wish I could go back in time and change them. But I am still incredibly blessed to have had this person in my life, even if it was for only a year. I wouldn't be writing this if I wasn't. In "Fate", I wrote, "She's one of my best friends, and I hope she continues to be for a long time. If not, then at least I've learned what I can, while I had it. I just hope I can have it for longer." That holds very true to this situation. She might be out of my life forever. If so, I've learned what I can. But I still do hope I can have it for longer. I really do. So, this seems like this post is the end of a long journey for me. From the beginning of "Fate", until the end of "'Fate' Continued". This seems like it might be "The end," for this person and I. I hope it isn't. I hope it's "The end, until..." as it was so many times before.

Forgiveness and Acceptance

I've always felt like second chances were incredibly stupid. Not because we shouldn't give someone more chances, but because of the number of chances we give them when we give them a "second chance". We should always give people more than one chance to be a good person, or a good friend, but two is way too little! There is not ONE person that will shape up to be a perfect person in two tries. Not one. Why? Because we're human, and we make mistakes. Have you ever heard the term, "Learn from your mistakes"? That's very true. We all make mistakes, things happen. The important thing is that we learn from them, and not do them again. That's where 'forgiveness' comes in.

Forgiveness is what shapes our lives. It's what can either can make or break a friendship, or relationship of any kind. Because, again, we all make mistakes. If someone does you wrong, it's because they're human. It's only natural. If it's an accident, they didn't mean to hurt you. They didn't want to do what they did. After they apologize, believe them. If they've never given you a reason to call them a bad friend before, why do that now? Trust that they've learned from what they did, and they'll never do it again. Being mad at them or holding a grudge won't do anything. It won't change what happened. You won't go back in time to fix it. It happened, so let it. You can't do anything about it. If anything, being mad would make it even worse. Then the person you're mad at is upset, and the you're not happy. You can't be mad and happy at the same time. Which would you rather be? Forgive them, because being mad won't do anything but make the situation worse.

On that note, if you're the person that needs to be forgiven, and not the one that needs to forgive, sometimes the other person can be stubborn. Sometimes they might not want to forgive you. They'll say, "I've had enough!" and walk away. They just won't forgive you. That's where the other word comes in: acceptance.

Not being accepted, but accepting. Accepting the fact that this person is just not going to forgive you. Now, before I tell you anything else about acceptance, I want to tell you: By apologizing, and taking that initiative, YOU ARE THE BIGGER PERSON. By trying to talk to them, and trying to make amends, you are being the better one. It's not your fault if they don't forgive you, you've done all you can. So, before you start to come down hard on yourself because you're not forgiven, know that they're the ones that are being immature.

Back to what I was saying about acceptance: If they're not going to forgive you, then they're not going to forgive you. It's that simple. You've done all that you can, and can do no more. Sometimes, in a relationship of any kind, no is stronger than yes. You can't make them forgive you. You can't make them be friends with them again. You have to accept that. Once you do, you'll be much happier. I'm not going to lie: you'll probably look back at the past, and shed a tear or two. Your heart will probably hurt remembering the good times and knowing that they no longer exist. But would you rather be upset about them not forgiving you your whole life, or eventually accept it, and move on? What's done is done, and it is what it is. You can't change it, so why worry about trying?

Forgive those you can, and accept what it is. At the end of the day, you'll be a lot happier.

The People I'm Grateful For

I don't know if you can tell by reading my blogs, but I'm currently going through one of the more... difficult times in my life. Only two people know of the actual situation (person involved, and person somewhat involved), but if you actually know me, you've probably noticed that my tweets lately have been on the more dark and depressing side. Sorry about that! I'm also sorry about my recent blogging, or LACK of blogging. I've stated before that I blog when I learn, in the hopes that others will learn. I've also stated that within every experience is a lesson to learn. Well, I'm going through an experience right now, and haven't exactly found the big lesson yet, which is why I haven't been blogging so much, and when I do, they're pretty short. I try to blog about things people might care about, not my personal problems. That's saved for Twitter. Anyway, this post will be pretty long, but it is going to be another of my more personal posts, saying something that I need off my chest. So, I've given you fair warning. Now, here we go!

I've been watching a lot of Jenna Marbles videos lately. I've always been a fan, but, in order to either kill time, or take my mind off of the situation at hand, I have started watching them at an abnormal rate. One of them that I was watching today was about something that I have already addressed within a few of my other posts: telling people you love them, because you never know when that chance may be taken away. So, for all of the other Jenna Marbles fans out there, you know that she makes humorous videos, so her "love poem" was more comedic than anything. But it really did make me realize that just blogging about maybe four people isn't that big of a deal. I mean, there are many more people that I want to thank, for many more reasons. So, let's do it!

First person: My mom.

My mom has NO idea of what's going on with me right now. As far as she's concerned, I'm that happy go-lucky kid that I've always been. I never bring my problems into the house, I deal with them where they need to be dealt with and don't let my family get involved. I've always been like that, an independent fighter. But my mom makes my days much better too. When I was in New York, and having problems there as well, I just wanted my mom some nights. I don't get homesick, or usually miss my family, but I wanted her there with me. Not so she could help me with what was going on, but just so I could know that she was there.

Second: My dad.

I thank my dad because... I don't really know why. Just because he's my dad? Just because he's there? I guess it's because I was a daddy's girl when I was little, and I still sort of am one? I feel very grateful to actually have my dad in my life, though because there are some people who don't. He's always been involved in my life. No, he doesn't know my problems, and he doesn't help me deal with drama and such, but he's a somewhat protective dad. I'd rather have a protective dad in my life than no dad at all, or a dad that I could only spend limited time with.

Third/fourth person/s: My two brothers!

No, they are not actually my brothers. They're both girls, actually, and we're not related at all. But, I think that they might be my best friends in the world. If someone asked me to list my best friends, they'd either be the first people I say, or the second. I love them SO much, just because things are light and airy when I'm with them. There are no heavy conversations, or dramatic moments. We have never once been in a fight. They're the people that, although they're not fixing my problems, they make my day 72038201038481 times better, just because they're there. I seriously mean it when I say that their presence, or just one of them's presence, can make a horrible day into a good one. Just because they're there, to make me smile, laugh, and feel happy and good. There's no one else that can make me feel that way, and I cannot thank either of them enough for it. I really can't. I cannot describe to anyone how much I love these two. I would do anything for them. What I'm saying right now isn't even a fraction of how much I love them. I just... I love them so incredibly much, and they mean the WORLD to me.

Fifth person: My best friend.

Truth be told, I have a lot of best friends. My brothers, mentioned above, are two of them, others that will be mentioned later on in the post are some of them, so when I say that she's my best friend, I mean that she's ONE of my best friends. But she's the one that's most often there. At school, and at the theater. Although she doesn't know all of my problems, she tries to help me any way that she possibly can. She honestly tries to be the best friend that she can possibly be. We argue over the STUPIDEST things, and she annoys the HECK out of me sometimes. (More times than not.) But she's always there. Whether we're at school, at the theater, getting frozen yogurt, or at the mall. She's there.

Sixth person: My stalker/closeted moat.

Well, I don't know where to start with this girl. I've posted MANY times about her, and I hope she knows how much I care about her and love her (so, so much.) But we've recently hit some rough spots, and some bumps in the road. She still hasn't forgiven me for what I have done, and I can't say that I've forgiven her. But I'm TRYING to resolve the problem. I'm honestly sitting in my room every night at 4 am, crying, and stressing out because I don't know what to do anymore, about ANY of this. And she's not really trying to fix it, like I am. It makes me wonder if she still cares about our friendship. After crying about it, and thinking it over, I realize that it doesn't matter if she cares anymore. Well, it does, but it's slightly less unimportant... because I care. The saying, "To make a friend, you have to be a friend," is true. She might have stopped being my friend, but that doesn't mean I stopped being hers. I still consider her my best friend. I can only sit and hope that she'll talk to me, and try to work it out, as I have been trying to. Until then, I'll keep texting her and annoying her, telling her that I love her. Because I do. When you're best friends with someone, you don't let mistakes get in the way of the friendship. I don't want this particular friend to go anywhere. I don't want her to leave my life. Not now. Not ever.

Seventh person: The OTHER person who knows about this whole fight/argument/problem.

I cannot be more thankful for this person at this moment. I can't. Throughout this entire thing, she has been 100% on my side, fighting for, and with me. And my goodness, how can I ever repay her for this? I don't think I can. Even when I feel alone, she is right there. Even when I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, she's on my team. I honestly can't describe how thankful I am for this person for being there. For believing in, and supporting me. For being an overall great friend. I just can't explain to her, or anyone how much I am thankful for this. I will try to repay her, but I highly doubt that I can.

The list could go on and on, but, a) it's 4:00 in the morning, and b) there are WAY too many people. If you have gotten to the bottom of this, I congratulate you, you read a lot, and most of it was probably boring. I congratulate you even MORE if you weren't one of the people listed above, just because you wasted a good five minutes of your life reading something unimportant while you could've been catching squirrels, or hugging cantaloupes, or making something of your life. So, I congratulate, and thank you. If I know you, and you want to know what I thank you for and why I love you, just ask! I'll gladly answer, there are no stupid questions. If you were listed, and you read this, please tell me, and tell me what you thought about this, I'd highly appreciate it. Anyway, thanks again for reading!

Now go and tell some people that you love them. You might not be able to tomorrow.

Mistakes

When we were little, we often called people our best friends forever, or our best friends for life. Then, either summer would come, and you'd no longer see each other, or you'd get in a fight and stop being friends. You'd learn nothing from these arguments, and soon thereafter, decide on a new best friend forever. So, that "forever" didn't hold through. Why? Because when you're little, and you make a mistake, you don't learn what you could do better next time. You don't learn any lessons. You just know that you did something wrong and that there's a consequence to that. Or, at least that's how I was when I was little. Then, as you get older, you still don't really see the lessons in things. You start to see them when you're much older, and you think back on that experience. When you're little, without too many problems, a friend is someone to entertain you. To make you laugh, and smile, and to play games with. That's basically what a friend is when you're little. Only until you get older do you realize that friends have more purposes than that. And that the "ideal" friend can meet all, or most, of those purposes, without any faults or mistakes. Well, that's just plain stupid.

You're human. You make mistakes. Your friends (I'm assuming) are human. They make mistakes. Every human being makes mistakes. But mistakes are how we learn and grow. There will never be someone that you meet that has NEVER made a mistake. You will never have a friend that won't do you wrong, at least once. Why? Because we're human. Once you get that through your mind is when you can REALLY be friends with someone. So, learn that fact, get off your high horse, lower your expectations, and then go find a friend. Everyone makes mistakes.

As you get older, when you call someone your "best friend forever", that forever will suddenly have more meaning. When you were little, you thought that "forever" was set in stone, and you didn't have to do anything to support it. It'd just happen, and when you're old and about to die, you'd still be friends. Without effort. Well that, again, is STUPID. Yes, you can be best friends forever. You can be friends until the moment that you die. But not without work. Yes, friendship is work. It's not all sunshine and daisies. Everything is not going to fall into place. You have to MAKE it go into place. A lot of that work is being a good friend. That means listening, not telling their secrets, cheering them up, encouraging them, being nice, etc. But another large quantity of that work is forgiving them.

Like I said before, EVERYONE makes mistakes. So, if you're looking for someone who will never do anything wrong, then too bad for you. Because you're not gonna find that person. Mistakes are... well, MISTAKES. The person that made that mistake didn't mean for it to happen. They didn't do it on purpose. Or maybe, they did it on purpose, but they didn't mean for it to blow up out of proportion. Mistakes are just accidents. Something that's thrown at us randomly, and that you have to get past. You have to learn from your mistakes, that's why they're there. To learn. So when someone does you wrong, just forgive them. It was an accident. It was a mistake. They didn't mean it. It's not their fault. Everyone does it. You do too. So, don't let it get to the point of no return. FORGIVE THEM.


If something so small as a mistake made you stop being friends, were you ever really best friends in the first place?

The Story of Our Lives

Life is nothing but a story. There are characters, settings, major events, minor events, subplots, emotions, descriptions, the story-line, a beginning, a middle, an end, everything. There's how every character acts as opposed to what they think, and when we're reading it from third-person, we can see all of that. You're watching yourself make choices. So, you, yourself are the reader of the story, main character of the story, and author of the story, all at the same time. And then, every other character has their own story that they're reading and writing, and every character in their story has their own also. Life is honestly just a story. I'm sure you tell small stories of what happened on a certain occasion sometimes. I'm sure you tell large stories of what happened sometimes. I do. Everything I blog has a story to go with it. Those are both the minor and major events of my life. The subplots, and the story-line. They're parts of my story, just as the stories you tell are part of yours. And having that said, everything in your story is divided into chapters as well. And those chapters are not hard to determine, either.

A week ago was the closing show for The Sound of Music. It was a sad time for some, and a time or relief and less stress for others. The whole process it was, right from my audition, to the closing of the show, was a chapter. the auditioning and getting the timing wrong at the beginning, complaining about it, and having everyone telling me I did great, getting a callback and being put in the finals for the role of 'Louisa', being upset after the callback, getting cast as a nun, first read-through, first real rehearsal, many more rehearsals, sudden director change, blocking the show, loads of rehearsals, tech week, opening weekend, brush-ups on Thursdays, another weekend, a huge fight with my best friend, forgiveness, another weekend, cast and crew party, exclusion, another weekend... and then it's over. That was all one chapter of my life. And guess what? The next day, I was headed to New York. The immediate start of another chapter.

Lying in bed the night of the last show of Sound of Music, I realized something. I realized that, after everything that had happened, all the drama, right from the beginning until the end throughout Sound of Music... was mostly over, just because SoM ended. That chapter of my life had closed. Things were still a bit rocky on that day, but the show was over. And within 12 hours, a whole new chapter would begin. That made everything seem a bit more trivial, and small. Like my worries and problems were a little bit more relaxed, at ease. Like they were easier to handle, just because the show was over. That saying, "All's well that ends well," is true. It doesn't matter how you got to the end, as long as you get there. It doesn't matter what you had to do to resolve the problem as long as it's resolved. Some chapters of your life may be shorter or longer than others, but they're still chapters. They still had their ups and downs, problems and solutions, their good days and bad days. And at the end of the chapter, things will be okay. A little bit shaky, yes, if you haven't resolved it by the end of the chapter, but still okay. And if they're not...

You have a whole other chapter to write.

Life's What You Make It

I haven't posted in some time, and the last one was probably unimportant to most people. It might've even been unimportant to the person who it was for, but I meant everything I said, and it needed to be said, so it's there. Anyway, I want to speak of something that I could go into MUCH more detail about. And I probably will, eventually. But for right now, I'm going to start off the post, by agreeing with a certain blonde-haired, name-rhyming Disney star: Hannah Montana.

"Life's what you make it."

When I was about eight, and had first heard this song, it wasn't any kind of life lesson, or anything that spoke to me. It was a song. That's all it was. I had liked Hannah Montana (a lot) at the time, and of course, I knew this song. But now that I think about it, this song (or the lyrics to it) make sense. They show something we all need to learn.

A couple of days ago, someone told me that I was negative. Well, they're wrong. No, I am not the perkiest flower in the garden. I'm not always smiling, and I do occasionally cry. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm upset. I cry when I'm frustrated, irritated, hurt or angered. But I only cry when there's a reason to. That's not being a pessimist. That's being a realist.

I told the person that I wasn't negative, I was realistic, and they said, "Yeah. That's negative. Life is negative." And no, that's not true. Not at all. That's a negative person's opinion on it. Not an optimist, or a realist, like me. I didn't get a chance to tell this person why life isn't negative (we had to change a child), but here's the reason: Life really is what you make it. If you make life happy, it will be.

People can say, "But that doesn't make sense! You can't make yourself happy!" But yes, you can. As I stated in my earlier post, "Being Happy", it's very possible. It just takes some deep thought, and realization, that whatever problem you have, either a) can't be resolved, or b) can be resolved. If it can't be, then there's no need to worry about it. Worrying won't make things happier. And worrying won't resolve it. If it can be resolved... then resolve it. It's really very simple, actually.

"But it's not! It's a lot more difficult then that!"

No. It's not.

It might take some time and deep thought, but you can realize this. It took me a while (13 years) to understand this. But it's true. Life isn't a negative place. It's only negative when you bring it upon yourself.

So cry your eyes out when the problem first arises. And then, fix it. If you can't, then don't sweat it. It is what it is.

You can only make amends with the situation at hand once you make amends with yourself.

Making Things Better

There's not any kind of intro I can begin with to go into this post. The only thing I really can do is to start. There's nothing really emotionally deep I want to share. There's only a lesson I want to teach, and hope others learn. And in order to do that, I have to tell a story. It'a a story that lasts for about three years. I'll condense it, don't worry. So here's where the story begins: third grade.

At the beginning of third grade, I was beyond panicked. In my class, I knew not one person. Literally not one person. It's not an easy thing, to make friends, be separated from them, and have new people forced upon you, especially when you're nine years old. So within my class, I temporarily "befriended" a girl for a total of three days. After that, I had become friends with some other people in the class. They're not really important to the story. The important person is the girl that I had met in a special class, called "Advanced Connections", where you were given extra projects to complete if the work in class was boring you because of it's simplicity. This girl wasn't in my regular everyday class. Anyway, the first time I had met this person... I hadn't really met her. I took one look at her. A good look, yes, but I hadn't even heard her speak. And yet I judged her, just by the way she first presented herself. I decided that she was a conceited, stuck-up, know-it-all. She hadn't been at our school before then, she was new this year. I decided that I would never be her friend. I honestly remember sitting in that portable classroom, at a wooden circular table with three other people, looking to my diagonal left, and looking at a girl in a purple shirt, thinking exactly that. That I would never like her.

About a month or so later, we had a new student to our regular class. It was the girl from AC. I hadn't really associated with this girl much, so my hard feelings had somewhat dissolved, but I still remembered what I thought as I first sat in that chair.

Around that time, everyone in our classroom was obsessed with a book, "The Lovely Bones". Everyone had read it, and I hadn't, because it personally scared me. I was only nine! Anyway, if you haven't read it, it's about a girl in Heaven, looking down and watching the things that the people on Earth were doing. How she died was revealed at the very beginning of the book. A man named Mr. Harvey had murdered her after raping her (the reason I didn't want to read it in 3rd grade). So anyway, since most people has read it, and even those who hadn't knew the basic storyline (or at least just the beginning), for some reason, the majority of my class decided they would make a game out of it. It was basically tag, except instead of someone being "it", they were Mr. Harvey. I found it incredibly stupid, (and I was never one to enjoy tag), so I only played maybe once or twice. Anyway, that day at recess, when everyone was playing the game, I noticed the new girl standing to the side and watching with slight confusion. I walked up to her, threw everything I had first thought out the window, and started a conversation. We swung on the swings and talked. I told her how I thought she was a know-it-all and how I was wrong. She told me she thought I was bossy, and how she was wrong. From then on, she was my best friend. We talked on the phone for at least two hours every night and did everything together. She wasn't the most popular or well-liked person. She was bullied, and I was made fun of for being her friend. She was criticized, as was I, but through the entire thing, I stood by her side. She was honestly my only friend. And I didn't really have a problem with it. Or at least, I didn't think I did. Until about a year or two later, when I realized what had been happening all along.

Ever since we had first started to be friends, she was always superior to me in knowledge. She was always the smartest, most well-liked by teachers, best writer and reader, had a broader vocabulary than I, and was MUCH more up-to-date in current events: she watched the news daily (they didn't have cable). And this was in 3rd grade. So basically, I was always inferior to her, and hidden behind her shadow. And not only did I know it, she did also. So anytime I would try to correct her on her grammar, or math problem, she wouldn't allow it. Even if I was right, I wasn't allowed to make a correction. Especially on writing. If I told her a better way to write something, she blew up in my face and told me how wrong I was. Everything stayed the same, everything was her way. The same thing happened when it came to her doing something I didn't like. When she would say she's so smart, or so funny, I would tell her to stop. I would tell her she was being self-centered and it was annoying me. She never said one thing good to, or about me. It was all about her. So I'd tell her that, and again, she would deny everything. There was never one apology from her. There was never a time when she admitted she was wrong. But of course, I would do something wrong, she'd call me out on it, and I'd be apologizing. It was never a two way street. I would give and she would take. I would simply "forgive" her, just for the sake of talking to each other again. But nothing was ever resolved, nothing finished. We would forget it and move on. We did that for 2 years, throughout 3rd and 4th grade, and even part of 5th. That's where everything really went wrong.

In 5th grade, she was again in my class. We were "friends" for about half of the year, until I decided that I had enough. Everything had built up, everything that she did and I never really forgave her for, every time she put me down, every time that she was basically a bad friend and she never apologized for, had come together and took over me. Suddenly, I stopped. I stopped talking to her, I stopped sitting with her, doing things on the weekends, being with her. I stopped putting up with her. I stopped being her friend. And without warning to her. I didn't tell her what she did, or why I was done. It was just a decision, an agreement, an understanding that I made to myself to stop. I was never mean to her. I never bullied her, or had people turn against her. I wasn't the nicest to her. At the sight of her, I would roll my eyes and turn away. She got none of my regards. I never said hello or goodbye. I pretended like she wasn't there. She was confused for a little while, but eventually caught on and stopped trying. All of those scars and problems had built upon each other to where I couldn't see the light of it anymore. I had just stopped.

Eventually, about a month or two later, I received a letter in the mail from her, saying exactly this:

"Dear Emily,
I'm sorry for whatever I did. Can we be friends again?"

And her name signed at the bottom. I was startled at the letter's appearance. She had pretended to brush all of this off so easily. I thought about the letter, and even considered making amends. But I was then reminded of everything she had done, and convinced myself not to. A new reason had also developed. Instead of asking what she had done wrong, she had simply said, "sorry for whatever I did". She didn't care what she did, as long as she was forgiven. That irritated me, because of what "sorry" really means. It means that you understand what you did, that it was wrong, and you will try your absolute hardest not to do it again. She wasn't sorry for what she did. She couldn't care less what she did. As far as she was concerned, as long as we were friends again, she could continue doing it, just because she apologized. She wasn't sorry I was hurt, or angered. She was sorry I no longer wanted to be friends. She was sorry I didn't want to talk to her. After realizing this, I blew off the letter, and pretended like it hadn't happened. There was no way I was forgiving her.

Two years later, and I'm still not friends with her. I no longer have any hard feelings towards her; those evaporated into thin air. I'm not mad anymore, or irritated. Time heals all wounds, yes, but not in the way that you may hope, or think. Instead of completely ignoring her, or being even the slightest bit mean to her, we're cordial. I don't have her phone number, we wouldn't choose to be partners with each other in class, we never talk, unless we have to. But when we have to, it seems fake. It's all smiles and small talk. There are no laughs, no conversations. I'm glad we're not mad at each other anymore, but it's kind of awkward. Ever since then, it's like the whole thing was brushed under the rug, but instead of being fully swept underneath, to the point of no reveal, it's still lumpy. You can tell it's there. Although we may pretend like it never happened, it did. If someone asked me who my best friend in 3rd grade was, I would probably say it was someone else, although that's not the truth at all. Back then, she was the closest thing to a twin I had. It's kind of sad now that we would probably lie about it if we were given the occasion. You can know someone better than their family does, and suddenly be total strangers, with a strange understanding between each other. It's weird, because every time we talk, it's like we know something happened. We both want to say something about it, but we don't. We want to pretend like it's over, but it's not. The memory of what happened will forever be engraved in our minds, and conversations.

And every time I think about it, I can't help but wonder what would've happened if things were different. Maybe if she had listened to me hen I told her what was wrong, and tried to fix it, I wouldn't have gotten so mad. Or when I got so mad, if I would've told her I was done, and why, we wouldn't have stopped talking. If we hadn't stopped talking, maybe we'd still be friends—even best friends. If we were still friends, maybe that memory wouldn't be in the way of everything we do involving each other. Maybe a lot of things would've happened. The reason everything did happen is because she wouldn't accept what she did wrong. And then I wouldn't tell her. Maybe if we took initiative and tried to fix it, we could have. Actually, I know that we could have. I didn't though. And neither did she. If you want to resolve things, you can.

Someone once told me, "Every friendship has it's scars. You can't pretend like they didn't happen, because they did." And I personally don't believe that. Real and truthful friendships don't have scars. Because once a scar is set in stone, more pile on. And eventually, you can't see what's underneath. Scars only happen when things aren't resolved, and you're truthfully not forgiven. People can say they forgive you, just for the sake of talking to each other again, but until they really believe that you're sorry (and until you really are sorry), forgiveness isn't forgiveness. And if it's never resolved, then you have a scar. And that makes it easier to create more and more, until that's all there is. And even the person that you once knew the most... you don't.

If you care about your friendship, and don't want this to happen to you, actually resolve things. If this person means as much to you as you say, prove it to them by not causing problems. And if you do by chance make a mistake, really apologize. Understand what you did, and why you shouldn't do it. That's when you're sorry. And if someone wronged you, tell them. They don't know what they did until you tell them it bothers you. If they're really a good friend, they'll be sorry and try their absolute best to fix it. Then, once they're sorry, forgive them. Really and truthfully do. Don't let it become a scar. Don't let it become what it did for me and her. Don't let things become awkward. Don't let something stupid cost you your entire friendship. Only you can make the decision to fix things.

So fix them.

Hey Stalker: Thank You

This is the third time writing this post. Seriously. I wrote it, published it, deleted it, wrote it again, published it, deleted it, and once again I am back to writing. I never delete my posts. What I write stays where it is. This is the first time I have actually bothered to rewrite it over and over. Why? Because it didn't feel right. As I was writing it, then after I published it, then after I reread it because I wasn't comfortable with it, it didn't feel right. I was trying to say something while teaching a lesson, and it just wasn't working. There wasn't a lesson I needed to teach, there was only something I needed to say. So this is your warning: if you want to learn something, I suggest you stop reading, unless you're bored or interested. If you are bored, go ahead, read all you want. But this post is for my stalker. The person who reads everything I write, hears everything I say, and knows everything I think. For the person I met by chance, but stayed friends with by choice.

I've already blogged about telling people how much you care about them, in my earlier post, "If I Die Tomorrow". But I never got into some of the detail I would have liked to with specific people. So here's where that comes. This isn't just an apology, or a way to make them forgive me. This is a true and honest statement. Because I don't lie. Especially not to this person.

I really don't.

Back when we met, over a year ago... Well, you know the story. Basically, I didn't ever think that you could become who you are. I didn't ever think that the person who was paired up with me by chance would become the person I run to when I need it, the person who makes me laugh when I need it, or the person who will forever be standing by my side. I didn't think that that girl at camp would ever know all of my thoughts, detect my bad moods, or read me like a 1st grader's picture book: easy. I never thought a lot of things, but I basically never thought that you would be my best friend. As things progressed, I never thought we would talk every day, stalk each other's tweets, or basically be where we are. I never thought that I'd be seriously thanking you for everything you've done. But here we are. So thank you for encouraging me when I'm down. Thank you for supporting me when I need it. Thank you for making me smile and laugh. Thank you for making me feel smart, or like I'm a good person. Thank you for talking to me every day, regardless of what I look like. Thank you for being both forgiving and apologetic. Thank you for being nice, considerate, and everything I look for in a friend. Thank you for not being anything I hate in a person. Thank you for teaching me things. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for wanting to read this. Thank you for being yourself. Thank you for letting me be myself. Thank you for being so many things I can thank you about. Thank you for wanting to be my friend. Thank you for making an effort to be my friend after we first met. Thank you for never abandoning me or leaving me alone. Thank you for always being on my side. Thank you for understanding me, more than anyone else I know. Thank you for a lot of things. But mainly, thank you for being just about the best friend I've ever had.

Hey Stalker: Thank You.

Being Happy

It's about that time again where I need to post about something gravely important to me, and I feel like it's the right time to do it. Yet another year of school has ended for me on Friday, and soon, half of 2012 will be over. I find it incredibly amazing how fast time goes. So, this post is going to be about the most important thing I have learned this full school year, and this half of a year so far: being happy.

Everyone wants to be happy. Right? When you really think about it, isn't everyone's real goal in life to be happy? Or rather, are the things you want to achieve going to make you happy once you achieve them? In the end, when you're lying on your deathbed, you want to be able to say that you lived the happiest life you possibly could. Am I not correct? I don't think there is ONE person on this Earth who doesn't have a goal. I know there isn't one person on this Earth who doesn't want to be happy. So, if you disagree with my previous statements, think about them before you continue reading. If you do agree, keep thinking about them. Then, when you're ready, whether you agree or not, keep reading.

Sixth grade was horrible.

I'm not going to lie when I say it was one of the worst years of my life. Why? Because I had so many issues. I had a problem with my friends, with people who weren't my friends, with my family, with my goals, with my teachers, everything. But then, a year later, now that I think about it... none of those things are a problem for me anymore. Yes, they were resolved, but if they were to somehow come back into my life, I wouldn't find them a problem anymore. They seem trivial and small now. I'm much happier, regardless of whether the problems I now have are bigger or smaller. Why? Because of the way I have grown and my thought process has grown within a year. Because the things that I found important then may be unimportant now, and vice versa. Because I now have a new definition of being "happy".

Being "happy" is defined as, "being characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, or joy." The word "satisfaction" is the one I am speaking mostly of. You're satisfied when you complete your goals, no matter how large or small. You're satisfied when you have accomplished something. You're satisfied when something that you want comes out as you want it. And that makes you happy. That's basically the global definition of being happy. Think about this. Ponder it. Agree or don't agree. And then, when you're done thinking, continue reading.

So, having that being said, you're happy when things go the way you want. It is assumed that then when you have things not go the way you want, you are "unhappy".

Being "unhappy" is defined as, "being sad, miserable, or wretched". When things don't go your way, when you don't get what you want, or anything like that, makes you sad, upset, frustrated, angry, depressed, annoyed, and so on. That makes you unhappy. That's the global definition of being unhappy.

So what's the point of all of this? My point was to get you to understand that most people's definitions of being "happy" is to be satisfied. And most people's definitions of being "unhappy" is to be unsatisfied. Only when you realize that can we move on to how to make yourself happy. So now, again, think about everything I have said. Read over it, think about it, agree or disagree. And then, keep reading.

You can control your emotions.

Well, maybe not control them. But you can encourage them in a certain direction.

At least I can.

And I can because of what my definition of "being happy" is.

It's simply, "To not be unhappy."

That's pretty basic. Now think about THAT definition of being happy, and decide whether you agree with it or not. Then, as always, keep reading.

Now think about this: Are you ever happy when you're sad, upset, frustrated, depressed, angered, jealous, annoyed, pestered, mad, or hurt?

No.

Are you ever UN-happy when you're sad, upset, frustrated, depressed, angered, jealous, annoyed, pestered, mad, or hurt?

Yes.

So, to be happy, you can't be unhappy. And to not be unhappy, you can't be any one of those emotions or any like it.

Make sense?

It's a bit confusing, but think about it, read over it, and then...

Well, you know. Keep reading.

We WANT to be happy. That is our goal. To be happy, we can't be any one of those emotions. So don't be. Don't let yourself be. It might be difficult, but I can do it. You can too, if you understand what I'm saying, take it to heart, and try. Tell yourself that you want to be happy. Refuse to be any of those emotions. Turn what's nothing you around and MAKE it better. Don't sit there crying. Crying doesn't make things any happier. Tell whoever you need to whatever you need to. Do what you have to do, regardless of what it is, or the consequences of it. Make it better for yourself. When you finally get the courage and motivation to make it better for yourself, only then can you be happy. Then, you won't be any of those emotions. Then, you won't be unhappy. Then, you will be happy. Take charge of your life. Make it what you want it to be.

Make it happy.

Thank You

This is going to be a teeny tiny post, without any lesson to learn. I'm warning you right now, so if you don't want to read this, then don't, but it'll only take up maybe two minutes of your time, depending on how fast you read. I think that if you finish reading this, it might be worth it. Okay, here we go:

I would greatly appreciate it if you told me you read my blog. Here's why: Right after I posted, "Today and Tomorrow", I checked my stats (pageviews, etc.) for this blog. It said that I had seven pageviews just yesterday, and already 10 today... It's noon. I don't even know three people who read this! I know of one, and maybe one more. That's it! I'm kind of shocked where this came from. Also, I had almost 250 pageviews last month, and around 200 this month. That means that on average last month, I was getting eight pageviews a day. I didn't know how correct this was, but I then did some "experimenting" and found out that it is accurate. It also told me what browser people were using (Safari for iPod or iPhone users was at around 75%, next in line came Internet Explorer, then Mozilla Firefox, then a few things I have never heard of) and what device people were using to look at my page (iPhone was 51%, then iPod at 25%, then computer, some other things I never heard of, and lastly, Android at 4%). I know one person reading this has an iPhone, I have an iPod (but I alone do not make up 25%), but I don't know where everything else came from! I think the thing that surprised me the most was the countries that the traffic was coming from. I had 400 page views from the US (duh), but then one from Colombia, one from Brazil, one from Thailand, three from the UK, four from Germany, and 52 from Russia? What? With these stats, I have NO IDEA who most of these readers are. So, no, you do not have to tell me if you're reading this... But I would appreciate it! Aside from asking you to tell me who you are, (of you want to), there was another reason to this seemingly-unimportant post.

I want to thank you for reading this. Like I said before, my goal was never to have a "popular" blog. It was to simply put my thoughts out there. No, this blog is not "popular", but it is a lot more successful than I thought it would be. I don't want people to be talking about my blog, I want people to be thinking about what I had to say. I think I may have accomplished that. I hope I have. So thank you for reading this nonsensical post. Thank you for reading my blog at all.

Today and Tomorrow

This week was the last week of school. This isn't going to be one of those usual posts talking about how much I'm going to miss everyone, or how hard it was to say goodbye (We'll see each other next year; I was glad to leave.), but rather what I learned this week. Within the past five or six days, I managed to make something of what I was given.

On Monday, everyone was tired (because it's Monday), including me. I just wanted to go back home, and go to sleep. So as my friend and I were walking to French, I was complaining about being tired, and asked (rhetorically), "What's even the POINT of this last week of school?" She responded with a simple answer, that made a lot of sense. "If this week wasn't the last week of school, then last week would've been. It would've had to happen eventually."

I started thinking about what she said, and she was right. Unless we went to school year-round for the rest of our lives, there would always be a "last week of school". So I decided to suck up being tired, and enjoy it. It would be my last five days of being a seventh grader. Maybe that's a good thing. My last five days of Algebra, my last five days of science, or my last five days getting up at 6:45 in the morning. But there were also some bad things. My last week of Texas History, my last week of reading good books in English, my last week of Theatre. It's true that with every good thing, there's a downside. But with every bad thing, there's an upside also. The important thing is to not pay attention to the bad things, and focus on the good, because you don't know how much longer you'll have any of it.

It's also that way with people. I have some people in my life that I may say I hate, or do have some things about them that I hate, but I would find it incredibly hard if some day, they weren't there. I know you have someone like that in your life, I would be astounded if you didn't. For example, someone in my French class. She drives me insane how annoying, fake, and absolutely conceited she is. But on those days that she's absent, I'm happy that she's not there to pester me, but I'm also left stranded. When we partner up with people in first period, there's no one for me to be with, because she's gone. I'm with strangers. And although I may not have my food stolen at lunch, or whatever, I also don't have anyone to be with during Science. There's an upside an a downside to everything and everyone. You just have to look past the problems and difficulties, and pay attention to how you really benefit.

You can be annoyed with a person and ignore them, and be incredibly hurt by them, but they're still one of your best friends. That happened last night. I was left out, excluded, however you want to say it, and they didn't make any effort to include me, so I was incredibly mad. I still am, but I learned that she also helps me. Maybe she won't ever really realize what she's doing, no matter how many times I tell her. I will always be annoyed. I will always be upset. But the truth is that if she was a good friend, she would try to understand. Maybe she's not. But maybe she is. I don't know right now, but she hasn't much let me down before, so I have to trust that she is. The most I can do is to make the possible best of what she's giving me, and try to accept the worst.

I hope maybe you could relate to one of the three scenarios that I put out. I have more, but not enough time. I also hope that maybe it taught you something. If it did, I hope that it was to make the best of what you have today, for it may not be there tomorrow.

A Note About My Blog

I want to talk about a few things I just wanted to let whoever is reading this know. I only know of one definite person, and one probable person reading this, but I really don't know who other than that is. But either way, regardless of who you are, I just want to thank you for: a) If this is your first time reading my blog, you've made it this far, and b) If you've read it before, thank you for continuing to read it and check back every so often. That brings me to why I want to thank you. And that brings me to what I want to do with this blog.

As it now says in my bio-type thing, I only write for myself. By that, I mean that I write what I want to say, not what others want to hear. These are the things I think they NEED to hear, but sometimes, you may not agree with me. That's perfectly fine. I write what I personally think, in the hopes that someone will find it intriguing, provoking, or even inspiring. Writing for yourself and sharing it with the public is different than altering your writing directly for the public.

My initial intention when starting this blog was non-existent. I didn't have anything I wanted to accomplish. I created one because I had read other blogs and simply decided that I wanted one. The authors of the two I had read are both fantastic writers, but I didn't notice something about their writing until after I started writing mine. They were both different. One was more leaning towards the vent-y, rant side, where you post what you need to get off your chest, and the other was kind of about things that they had learned, but not exactly. It was more about certain days that made an impact on them, sometimes simply because what they did kept them from being bored at that time. I didn't realize there was a difference until I had posted some and noticed the road I was heading. I had started the blog because I wanted someone to read what I had to say, I guess, but there was nothing I really wanted to do. Again, only until after starting to post did I establish a goal. Some blogs, similar to the rant blog, don't seek readers. They just want to say what they think that moment in time, and then be done with it. They possibly want sympathy or advice. Sone blogs simply want readers. They don't want anyone to be intrigued, but rather just want to have people read it, and keep reading it. I, personally, don't care about either of those things so much. Of course they both are somewhat important, but that's not what I'm going for. I will blog when I need to vent, and I will get happy or excited when I reach a large number of page views, but more than anything, I want to inspire. I don't care whether I have two readers, as long as the two are interested. As long as I'm teaching them something. Not as long as they're agreeing, but as long as they're provoked. My main goal is to inspire people. I post about the things I have learned, and what I think others need to learn as well. Maybe I only have one reader. I'm proud if I can say I made that one person think about at least one thing in a different way.

Inspiration is everywhere. It sounds cliche and over-used, but it really is. I've gotten inspiration from my family, the news, substitutes, my English teacher, my friends, music, my ears and eyes, strangers, quotes, and bits of conversations. I get inspiration everywhere. When something happens and I learn something new, I promise you, it will be blogged. Not in the hopes that people will read it and love it. But in the hopes that at least one person will read it, and learn.

After reading, you may ask what the point of this post is. Basically, I'm trying to tell you that: a) I just want to inspire something, and b) Maybe you should start a blog also. You may have no motivation or intention, but it will come soon enough. It did for me. Don't listen to those who tell you not to because they did it before you, or it's stupid, or whatever. I've dealt with that, and I still don't regret making this. I wouldn't be typing right now if I did. So just make one, and see what happens. You could start something great. You could inspire something.

I hope I made you think.

If I Die Tomorrow

So, currently trending on Twitter is "If I Die Tomorrow". I find it incredibly appropriate because of the sudden and spontaneous immense appreciation for my friends today. I am also grateful for my family, although they can be a handful sometimes, but the thing is, that to me, friendship is sometimes more. I feel like family is "forced" to love you. They're not exactly forced, they don't really HAVE to, but to be honest, if you went to the same school as your sibling, would you befriend them? If your parent were a coworker or your teacher, would you like them? I know that a lot of people would argue this statement, but it's personally how I feel. But friends, on the other hand, are a different matter. They aren't forced to be with you. That's their choice. That's what they do, just because they love you, not because they live with you. So, today, nothing exactly "happened", but I just started thinking, and realized that I owe some of my friends an incredible debt, just because of everything they've ever done for me, and how many smiles they put on my face every single day. So, although the chance is small, anything's possible; If I die tomorrow, I want a certain few people to know what they mean to me.

#1: First, there's my friend in which I spend EVERY SIBGLE DAY with. I'm not going to say names, but if you are these people, you'll be able to tell. Also, the number I do this in are not in any specific order. Anyway, I want to tell this one person that the thing that I appreciate her most for is always and forever standing right by my side. No, not only does she help me when things are wrong, but is literally RIGHT by my actual side as we're walking from class to class. There is never a time when I cannot trust her to be there. And I thank her for that. I can't thank her enough for that. We all need someone like that in our life. I'm glad to day that I do.

#2 This person (who I know for a fact is reading this) I thank most for basically supporting everything. She puts up with my crazy, annoying antics most days. I've known her for a little over a year now, and throughout the entire journey, there's no one that has been there more than she has. She's listened to my problems, stalked me, and we talk every single day. I can't thank her enough for just being there, and supporting and helping me in everything. She's my "well rounded" friend, the one that's good for everything. A laugh when you need it, a shoulder to cry on, or a stand for support. She is who she is. There's no one else like her, exactly.

#3 I want to tell this one person that the thing I most appreciate is their advice, and words of kindness. In addition to being such a fun person, I can always trust them to help me when I need it, and that's one of the most important things a friend can do. If you can't trust them, than what are they there for? I can always trust her, and I am immensely grateful for that. When I'm feeling down on myself, it will always be her to tell me that I'm being unreasonable and I'm wrong. There's no price tag you can put on that.

#4 I want to thank THIS person for trust again, but in a different way. I can always trust her with any secret, that's true, but the trust I'm talking about is the trust that she has in me, which gives me confidence. She can tell me anything, and trust me with everything, and she know that. It makes me feel like I'm a good friend, a good person, and that's one of the most important things of all. In order to have a good friend, you should be one too. There are no words to describe my pride in being this person's friend. To know that she's in my life in the way that she is, is unimaginable and priceless. I can't explain it. Just thank you.

If you're reading this, and want to know who any of them are, just ask. I'll answer honestly. I don't lie. I can say way more about everyone that's on here, plus those people that aren't. I just wanted to express my emotions towards some amazing people. I hope you have people like this in your life. I hope I am a person like this in someone's life. If you do, I encourage you to tell them. Sometimes, complimenting people can be the best thing you could do, and just what they needed that day. Be a part of someone's life and make them happy they have you, by showing them that you're happy to have them. Tomorrow, you may not get to. Let them know today. It could mean everything to them.

Sometimes the best things in life are spontaneous. They come without planning, and catch you by surprise, but are even better in that way. It can take under a minute to make someone's day, or ruin it. It can take only a change of heart, mind, or direction to change someone's life.

Choices and Changes

I'm not exactly sure how to start this post. I know what I want to say, but not how to begin. I guess I should start by saying that everything I'm about to tell you is probably hypocritical. I will not do about 95% of what I'm saying. Eventually, I will, but for now, I'm telling you what I know. I may not be smart enough to take to my own advice, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't. Just because I can live up to what I'm saying doesn't mean you can't. So, on that note, let's start.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

You've probably heard this, or at least heard of this at least once in your life. What's above is the last stanza of Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken". We were reading this in English class, and comparing it to the book we're currently reading. But before we read it, our substitute gave us a brief description of what the entire poem is believed to mean. She basically said that the poem was about being an individual, making your own choices, non-conformity, etcetera, but I personally think that it means something similar, but also completely different. In my opinion, it's about making choices, both good and bad, and how they can affect your life in the greatest or smallest way. It never said in the poem that the "difference" was a good one. He never said if the choice he made was the right one. All he did was choose one of the roads, and it made all the difference in his life. That brings me to today/tonight's topic/s: choices, changes, and dealing with them.

I've been a bit overusing a certain saying that I find quite interesting. It's not a common phrase, but you've probably heard it before. It has five words. Anyway, I've been somewhat overusing it in everyday things and situations, while it has a much deeper meaning than what it's commonly used for. It basically means, "Things are the way things are. You can't change them, so don't try, and don't mope, because that won't help."

When you make a decision, whether it be uneducated or not, it's still a choice you had to make. It could be a bad choice, or a good choice. The outcome could be good or bad. The outcome could potentially change your life, point of view, or way of thinking. What you have to do is hope for a good outcome, and if it isn't, make the best of it. Learn what you can, and put it behind you. You can temporarily be sad, or depressed, but you can't go back in time and change it. You can't fix what you've done. And sitting there moping isn't going to help you fix it either. At the most, moping can only get you sympathy, or advice. It takes you, and your initiative to get up and take that advice. Instead of complaining about the things you can't change, try to fix the things you can. It'll do you a lot more than whining and making it worse for yourself. And after things have changed for you, don't dwell on the past. As Lyndon B. Johnson said, "We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it." Everything is for a reason. You can't change it. Just make it better for yourself.

So, take whatever road or path you want. Look at it first, or don't. Just don't complain when the worst is handed to you, and be grateful if the best is. Make the best out of the worst, change your direction, and move forward, with something new that you've learned. There's nothing you can change except your own view on it. After all,

It is what it is.

Try.

I remember where I was a year ago. I'd imagine that you can, also. It really wasn't that long ago. I remember how I felt during that time. What emotions I would have on a daily basis, what problems I was facing, what the solutions to the problems were, what were the good things I had, and everything along those lines. But in specific, I remember what I wanted then. Not only what I wanted, but what my goals were. I remember all of that, distinctly. I'd be surprised if you don't. A year is not that long of a time, especially as you get older. So, just take a minute, before continuing to read this, and think about your life last year. Think about what happened, what you learned, your life then in comparison to now, and then, most importantly, what you wanted then in relativity to what you have/want now. After you're done remembering, then continue reading.

In English class, we're reading a book called "Mao's Last Dancer". If you haven't, or aren't, I encourage you to read it. Personally, I really liked it, but you might not be the person who enjoys autobiographies about a male ballet dancer that lives in communist China. Anyway, that was what it was basically about, but it was actually more centered around a little boy with a dream. Actually, it wasn't so much of a dream as it was a motivation. Believe me, they're two different things. Anyway, it starts out where he's poor and struggling to get by, as a child. He then has the motivation (not dream), to become a ballet dancer. The reason i say motivation, not dream, is because he didn't always dream of doing ballet, but what rather happened is he was spontaneously given the chance to become a ballet dancer, and took the opportunity to help his family. Only later did he actually want to do ballet. Anyway, in the story, one of his ballet teachers told him,

"To be the best, you have to first dare to try."

Think about what that means. It's probably something you've heard before, or heard something similar to it before, but just think about it. It probably won't have any actual emotional meaning to you until you experience it. Until then, it's just words on a screen. But think about it. Once you're done thinking, then keep reading.

A year ago, I had a dream (not motivation) for myself. Not so much of a dream either, but a goal. I had a goal that I would accomplish it. Of course, though, to accomplish it, I had to try. What I wanted was not something that was easily attempted. It took me many tries before I made any kind of slight progress. But then, gradually, I went from failing, to making some progress, to almost achieving it, to completely there. Within a year. Like I said before, a year is not a long time. And now that I've accomplished it, I'm a lot happier. I did it. It was work, and it was a long time coming, but it finally came, and that's what matters. But do you know why I finally accomplished my goal? Because I tried. Because I attempted to make progress towards it, and eventually I did. Do you know how the main character in Mao's Last Dancer made his dream come true? By trying. Many things stood in his way, but he did it. And now he's where he wants to be, as am I. I'm sure you've done something even remotely similar in your life. Think about it.

To be the best, you first have to first dare to try.

So go. Try something. Don't be afraid of failing, or losing. To be honest, you might. I'm not going to lie and say you'll achieve it. But you tried. And at this point, the chances of achieving it are 50%. If you don't ever try, they're at 0%. Just try something, even small. Be where you want to be, just by having the courage to attempt to do something.

You miss some of what you try for, and all in which you don't.

Fate

So, unbeknownst to me, a certain someone has been constantly reading my blog. This girl has two eyes, a mouth, a nose, and has already read the one I posted 24 hours ago. Her name is... Katie. And I know she's reading this right now. Hi. Anyway, there's something I've been wanting to talk about for a while now, and knowing that Katie is reading this has convinced me to now post it. So, let's talk about this this called: fate.

About a month ago or so, I did some asking around, and came up with the conclusion that many people believe in fate. Everyone for different reasons. Some just believe in it because it sounds cool, some think that because they've discovered something or someone it's fate, and some have had actual experiences with "fate", or what they think might be "fate". I'm one of those people, but I don't necessarily think it's fate. So, here's my story:

Once upon a time, a little over a year ago, I auditioned for a show. I got a callback, and at these callbacks, we were doing cold reads. So, I got randomly got paired up with the person sitting behind me. She read for the lead, and I read for the other person in the scene, the supporting character. We basically went outside the room, learned each others names, rehearsed a few times, performed, and... The end. Until about four or five months later.

It's the first day of summer camp. I walk in the doors and my friend from school is sitting on the torn-up bench with another girl. Since my friend from school is the only person I know, I sit on the floor in front of them, and start making conversation. I feel like I know the other girl from somewhere, but I can't remember, even after she's told me her name. Eventually, sometime that day, she asks if I was at the callbacks for that show. I say yes, and we both make the connection that we had read together. The next two weeks fly by in a flurry of singing and stretching, and then, camp is over. I have some depression about it, but I I get over it after a while. For the next week or so, I continue to keep in touch with everyone, but eventually it stops. The end. Until about a month or two later.

It's around Thanksgiving, and I do my thing of texting almost every single person on my phone, "Happy Thanksgiving!" I text her, and she sends me back, "I MISS YOU!" Well, okay. Happy Thanksgiving to you as well. But I respond with, "I miss you too!" and it's true, I do. Then she has to go to school and says she'll text me afterwards. So she does. We talk about what we've done since we saw each other last, and a lot about theatre and the new season schedule. Particularly, this group of theatre kids basically that you have to audition for called First Stage Players. We're both gonna audition, blah blah blah, the end. Until a few weeks later.

It's December, and we're seeing each other for the first time since camp. Yay, it's a happy day, except I'm nervous out of my pants (not literally). Her number is pretty early on, and mine is later, so we only talk for a bit before she leaves. Finally, the day comes where we get our calls: and we both made it in. We're overjoyed, and our messages are filled with smiley faces :) and everything. So, our theatre journey starts. This time, it's not "the end, until...". It's still continuing. It's just beginning. It's been a little over a year since we first met each other at that audition (neither of us got in), and now we're both performing side by side (literally) to each other. It only took a year.

I believe that wasn't fate. Everyone was put in our lives for a reason. I can tell that this person was put into my life for a definite reason. I can already give you some that she's shown me. Everyone teaches you something. I can already tell you some things I've learned from her, and I hope she's learned something from me. God puts everyone in our lives for a certain reason, he doesn't leave things up to chance. It wasn't fate that we met. He planned it. He said, "You need someone like her in your life," and made it happen. What we chose to do with it was our decision. She's one of my best friends, and I hope she continues to be for a long time. If not, then at least I've learned what I can, while I had it. I just hope I can have it for longer.

Not Education. Learning.

So, in about an hour and 2 minutes, 1/3 of 2012 will be over. Isn't it funny how time flies so quickly? I can remember back in December distinctly, and realizing how much I've changed and grown within four months is kind of surprising and astonishing. I've been wanting to write about a certain thing I've realized, more than anything else I've learned so far, and figured that right around the 1/3 mark would be a proper time to post it, since this specific item I want to share my thoughts on means a lot to me, and means a lot to me that people fully understand it, as I do. I didn't want this to be any normal post, exactly, so I'm doing this at a certain time, since it's made such an impact on me and my way of thinking. So, here it is, what I've waited for a long time to speak about: Learning.

Yes. I did want to talk about what you do during school. But not in that specific way. Not education. Learning. The importance of learning, how we learn, when we learn, why we learn. I feel really strongly and deeply about this, and just remembering what I'm about to share with whoever's reading this has carried me through the past few months. So. Here it goes, from the very beginning. Literally.

We were all born as a thing. A human being with no sins, no feelings. No flaws, no talents, no attributes or characteristics. We were all the same at birth. We didn't have any bad in us. All we had is the goodness that God provided, and gave us to carry throughout our lives. It's what happens next, each and every day, that shapes who you are. And finally, when all your experiences come together, you're a person. You have feelings, and knowledge, and the ability to be good or bad. You have flaws, and skills, and virtues and talents. You have become who you are because of the everyday things that happen to you. But even rainstorm after rainstorm, trouble after trouble, and you get darker and gloomier, and more sad, or hateful, or full of despair, there's that little bit of goodness still inside you. It's still there. That little speck of being pure, from when you were just a thing. As covered up and hidden as it is, it's still there. And it always will be. Because at the end of the day, we're just things. Things with feelings, experiences, and knowledge.

That's my opinion on how things work. That's how we become people. And like I said, we're all things with knowledge. We gain knowledge when we learn. And we learn when we experience. The importance of learning is that we can take something from anything thrown at us, good or bad, and turn it into something even better, something that can help us in the future. When you're sad or depressed, you can say, "I've done this before. I made it through. For a period of time I was happy. I can make it through again." And that will help you get through any situation. When we learn, we grow. When you face a challenge, keep going until you beat it. You've then learned what to do to get out, and you can battle similar situations in the future. That's what learning is. A tool belt. You have a tool belt of things you've learned. And when something is broken, you use your "tools" to fix it.

We learn when things happen to us. When your family faces problems, or someone makes your life miserable, or anything, it teaches us something. Teaches you you're better off without them, you can get through anything, how to judge people better, how to solve conflicts, anything. You can learn anything from any situation, good or bad. You just have to try. You don't learn things by sitting back and waiting for it to be over. You learn by standing up and moving, and trying. You get experiences every single day, that have the potential to teach you something. You just have to learn it. Some people can even point it out and put it right in front of you, and directly say, "You need to learn...." You just have to take what they're saying to heart, and try. Don't leave what you could have because you don't want it at the moment. It's like money. If your mom handed you money you didn't need right then and there, would you still take it, even with hesitation? Probably so. You'd spend it when you need to, or save it for later. It's exactly the same way with knowledge. Take what you can get and use it when you can, if you can. You don't know when you're going to have it handed to you again.

People say, "God shouldn't put me through this, if he really cares! Isn't he looking out for me?" Well, he is. When he gives you a situation, or when something gives you a situation, it's because he knows you can make something good out of it. It's your choice to take what you have, and learn, or leave it alone and have a hard time in the future. Remember, the chance may not come again.

I don't expect everyone to understand what learning means to me. In fact, I expect only one or two people to fully understand and comprehend what I'm trying to say. I expect none to actually take this to heart and try to learn. But maybe you should. Or at least try. I can promise you, it'll do you some good.

At the end of the day, we're a little taller, a little smarter, another day older, and many more experiences wiser.