I don't know if you can tell by reading my blogs, but I'm currently going through one of the more... difficult times in my life. Only two people know of the actual situation (person involved, and person somewhat involved), but if you actually know me, you've probably noticed that my tweets lately have been on the more dark and depressing side. Sorry about that! I'm also sorry about my recent blogging, or LACK of blogging. I've stated before that I blog when I learn, in the hopes that others will learn. I've also stated that within every experience is a lesson to learn. Well, I'm going through an experience right now, and haven't exactly found the big lesson yet, which is why I haven't been blogging so much, and when I do, they're pretty short. I try to blog about things people might care about, not my personal problems. That's saved for Twitter. Anyway, this post will be pretty long, but it is going to be another of my more personal posts, saying something that I need off my chest. So, I've given you fair warning. Now, here we go!
I've been watching a lot of Jenna Marbles videos lately. I've always been a fan, but, in order to either kill time, or take my mind off of the situation at hand, I have started watching them at an abnormal rate. One of them that I was watching today was about something that I have already addressed within a few of my other posts: telling people you love them, because you never know when that chance may be taken away. So, for all of the other Jenna Marbles fans out there, you know that she makes humorous videos, so her "love poem" was more comedic than anything. But it really did make me realize that just blogging about maybe four people isn't that big of a deal. I mean, there are many more people that I want to thank, for many more reasons. So, let's do it!
First person: My mom.
My mom has NO idea of what's going on with me right now. As far as she's concerned, I'm that happy go-lucky kid that I've always been. I never bring my problems into the house, I deal with them where they need to be dealt with and don't let my family get involved. I've always been like that, an independent fighter. But my mom makes my days much better too. When I was in New York, and having problems there as well, I just wanted my mom some nights. I don't get homesick, or usually miss my family, but I wanted her there with me. Not so she could help me with what was going on, but just so I could know that she was there.
Second: My dad.
I thank my dad because... I don't really know why. Just because he's my dad? Just because he's there? I guess it's because I was a daddy's girl when I was little, and I still sort of am one? I feel very grateful to actually have my dad in my life, though because there are some people who don't. He's always been involved in my life. No, he doesn't know my problems, and he doesn't help me deal with drama and such, but he's a somewhat protective dad. I'd rather have a protective dad in my life than no dad at all, or a dad that I could only spend limited time with.
Third/fourth person/s: My two brothers!
No, they are not actually my brothers. They're both girls, actually, and we're not related at all. But, I think that they might be my best friends in the world. If someone asked me to list my best friends, they'd either be the first people I say, or the second. I love them SO much, just because things are light and airy when I'm with them. There are no heavy conversations, or dramatic moments. We have never once been in a fight. They're the people that, although they're not fixing my problems, they make my day 72038201038481 times better, just because they're there. I seriously mean it when I say that their presence, or just one of them's presence, can make a horrible day into a good one. Just because they're there, to make me smile, laugh, and feel happy and good. There's no one else that can make me feel that way, and I cannot thank either of them enough for it. I really can't. I cannot describe to anyone how much I love these two. I would do anything for them. What I'm saying right now isn't even a fraction of how much I love them. I just... I love them so incredibly much, and they mean the WORLD to me.
Fifth person: My best friend.
Truth be told, I have a lot of best friends. My brothers, mentioned above, are two of them, others that will be mentioned later on in the post are some of them, so when I say that she's my best friend, I mean that she's ONE of my best friends. But she's the one that's most often there. At school, and at the theater. Although she doesn't know all of my problems, she tries to help me any way that she possibly can. She honestly tries to be the best friend that she can possibly be. We argue over the STUPIDEST things, and she annoys the HECK out of me sometimes. (More times than not.) But she's always there. Whether we're at school, at the theater, getting frozen yogurt, or at the mall. She's there.
Sixth person: My stalker/closeted moat.
Well, I don't know where to start with this girl. I've posted MANY times about her, and I hope she knows how much I care about her and love her (so, so much.) But we've recently hit some rough spots, and some bumps in the road. She still hasn't forgiven me for what I have done, and I can't say that I've forgiven her. But I'm TRYING to resolve the problem. I'm honestly sitting in my room every night at 4 am, crying, and stressing out because I don't know what to do anymore, about ANY of this. And she's not really trying to fix it, like I am. It makes me wonder if she still cares about our friendship. After crying about it, and thinking it over, I realize that it doesn't matter if she cares anymore. Well, it does, but it's slightly less unimportant... because I care. The saying, "To make a friend, you have to be a friend," is true. She might have stopped being my friend, but that doesn't mean I stopped being hers. I still consider her my best friend. I can only sit and hope that she'll talk to me, and try to work it out, as I have been trying to. Until then, I'll keep texting her and annoying her, telling her that I love her. Because I do. When you're best friends with someone, you don't let mistakes get in the way of the friendship. I don't want this particular friend to go anywhere. I don't want her to leave my life. Not now. Not ever.
Seventh person: The OTHER person who knows about this whole fight/argument/problem.
I cannot be more thankful for this person at this moment. I can't. Throughout this entire thing, she has been 100% on my side, fighting for, and with me. And my goodness, how can I ever repay her for this? I don't think I can. Even when I feel alone, she is right there. Even when I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, she's on my team. I honestly can't describe how thankful I am for this person for being there. For believing in, and supporting me. For being an overall great friend. I just can't explain to her, or anyone how much I am thankful for this. I will try to repay her, but I highly doubt that I can.
The list could go on and on, but, a) it's 4:00 in the morning, and b) there are WAY too many people. If you have gotten to the bottom of this, I congratulate you, you read a lot, and most of it was probably boring. I congratulate you even MORE if you weren't one of the people listed above, just because you wasted a good five minutes of your life reading something unimportant while you could've been catching squirrels, or hugging cantaloupes, or making something of your life. So, I congratulate, and thank you. If I know you, and you want to know what I thank you for and why I love you, just ask! I'll gladly answer, there are no stupid questions. If you were listed, and you read this, please tell me, and tell me what you thought about this, I'd highly appreciate it. Anyway, thanks again for reading!
Now go and tell some people that you love them. You might not be able to tomorrow.
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